I've been trying to get further with a painting and it is being a jerk. I keep staring at it and it seems like a defiant child with folded arms staring back at me with angry eyes.
"What do you want?" I would like to ask it...it's not said anything back yet...
I'm trying to tune in and listen. I think that perhaps I'm too scared of what it will answer back for fear that my skills are not up to what it is demanding. I will try. After all, I'm not trying to save the world here - or the "cheerleader" for that matter. I'm just painting a painting. It's as simple as that.
It's amazing how everytime I create a painting I'm half scared of it, but the other half is just too curious to be bullied by that. I know that I'm not alone in feeling this way. It is a struggle sometimes, but why? Fear? Judgement? Displaying weaknesses? Believing a lie that it will never be good enough?
All of these are illusions...for the most part. Our terrorizing daydreams of being judged are usually far worse than how reality plays out. For instance, I've never shown up at an opening without pants while viewers take my works down and light them on fire. The worst that has ever happened to me was an elderly woman came into the building to yell at me about how awful the work was. I was actually honored that it made her that angry- better than being ignored, right? CHEERS!
I'm beginning to realize that it's scarier to be an artist that doesn't create than it is to face the fears of creating (too bad it has taken 33 years for this to begin to sink in). I don't want regrets in my deathbed like Leonardo Da Vinci did (he wished that he had completed more paintings). With that said, I need to get to work - "defiant child" or not!
"What do you want?" I would like to ask it...it's not said anything back yet...
I'm trying to tune in and listen. I think that perhaps I'm too scared of what it will answer back for fear that my skills are not up to what it is demanding. I will try. After all, I'm not trying to save the world here - or the "cheerleader" for that matter. I'm just painting a painting. It's as simple as that.
It's amazing how everytime I create a painting I'm half scared of it, but the other half is just too curious to be bullied by that. I know that I'm not alone in feeling this way. It is a struggle sometimes, but why? Fear? Judgement? Displaying weaknesses? Believing a lie that it will never be good enough?
All of these are illusions...for the most part. Our terrorizing daydreams of being judged are usually far worse than how reality plays out. For instance, I've never shown up at an opening without pants while viewers take my works down and light them on fire. The worst that has ever happened to me was an elderly woman came into the building to yell at me about how awful the work was. I was actually honored that it made her that angry- better than being ignored, right? CHEERS!
I'm beginning to realize that it's scarier to be an artist that doesn't create than it is to face the fears of creating (too bad it has taken 33 years for this to begin to sink in). I don't want regrets in my deathbed like Leonardo Da Vinci did (he wished that he had completed more paintings). With that said, I need to get to work - "defiant child" or not!
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